Mother Nature........ your messing with my gym time

Well. ......I celebrated my 35th birthday yesterday. ... ready to embrace the new year with some serious changes. Not just with weight. ... but a healthy lifestyle. 

While I was enjoying my morning surprise breakfast in bed made my 2 younger boys.....I know right. ... just totally sweet!! Mother nature decided to gift me with hers.....
Over the last 1 year my body with my periods have gone crazy. ...I never, never,  never in my life had cramps or body pain. Usually it was just the crazy "emotions" the day before which would give the clue it was about to start.  Dint get me wrong I generally know when it's coming. ... but 11 years ago when I got my tubs tied I really stopped keeping track. 
But I totally forgot about it this month.
I've stopped getting cramps since I started working out. .. but not the low blood pressure and feeling of being weak.....and that cripples my gym time. 

So for the next few days..... my body has basically said " you need to chill".....
I hate this. ...so much. 

So once I'm back at the gym. .. I'll update. ..till then.... I'm chilling at home. ..

TRANSITIONS AND WEEKENDS

Took the weekend off to just relax and really to let my over worked body just chill.
However having 2 days off in a row really makes me feel tired and down right lazy. 
So much so that when I woke up this morning I really wasn't in the mood to work out. 

So I dragged my butt back to the room after sending the kids off to school. .. got my gym clothes on. .. brushed my teeth and took a deep breath and said to myself " crystal, you've come this far... let's keep it going"!

So I went down to the gym. ... and biked 30klm , did my weights. .. and felt good that I didn't quit.  Lol

My only issue at the moment. ...... I'm in this damn transition phase. All my clothes are either to big....or still to small.

Some say it's a good thing...some say bad....I just say it sucks because I literally have NOTHING to wear.

Now. .... let's see if I make my 4kg goal by Wednesday. ..... I'm optimistic. .. but even if I dont reach it. .. I'm still gonna celebrate because I'm still down over 25kgs back from April. ..... that's motivation. ..  

Felt like a failure yesterday

They say "what doesn't kill us,  makes us stronger" who actually said that?  Were they also trying to lose a massive amount of weight?  Did this person also go on a low carb diet too?
Because to be truthfully honest. .....I don't think I'm getting stronger and yes its killing me! !!

I have an addiction. .... my addiction is food.  I love food. ... All food. ... yummy food. .... fried food. ... sweets.  I just love it all. 
I can't lie and say that I stay on my diet "no matter what"! I don't.  Sometimes I have to just listen to my body and when it wants something hearty to eat. .. why not.  I've worked my body to the core the whole week. .. why not a reward?

Now here's the thing,  you can have a reward and enjoy something you've missed all week. .... but it comes down to portion control,  portion control,  portion control........

My mind agrees,  my tummy,  well not so much. 

Yesterday I FAILED! !!

It happens. .... did I totally regret? Yes.  Did I think I messed up my entire diet?  YES! !!!! Did I think I'll have to workout longer and harder the next day? Double yes! !!!!

But in reality it did the total opposite.  I think my body needed those extra calories. ..did it need those extra 4 oatmeal cookies I snacked on throughout the day....definitely not.  By the time I got the bed I actually felt sick. ....I was just so full.  I didn't binge eat. That's the difference. ...I just over ate. 

I ate healthy. ..well somewhat...cant count those cookies as healthy but I did eat right. 

Just too much!

Over the last 4.5 months I've been trying really hard to not just lose weight but also to change my eating habits. Most of the time. ... I've done really well.... the other times not so great.
I have read about all those conventional diets, calorie shifting,  no carbs,  no protein,  or lots of protine. What I'm still learning is I need to listen to my body.  I really need to pay attention to how I'm feeling and what foods agree with me now and the ones that don't. 

I've found that for me,  too many carbs make me really tired.  Like someone put a sleeping pill inside and I need to just sleep. 
I've also found out that working out in the mornings make me feel better and I work out harder. 
I've also learned I need a ton of water daily! A ton......I feel dehydrated if I don't drink enough! Again that sleepy feeling comes knocking at my door. 
 
I also feel very content having most of my 1500 calories allotted to me for the day to eat most of them at lunch.  That's when I feel the most hungry.

These are things I've learned about myself. For the record is not a conventional diet!

But it works for me.  Yesterday I thought I failed!  Was feeling really down.  But this morning I got up. ..looked at the scale, deciding if I should step on it to just "check" the damage.  Instead I got my gym gear on and went to the gym and busted my butt doing 25klm on the bike.  Lifting weights like crazy.  Instead of doing 30 crunches I did 40..... was I a bit insane today? Yes a little?  Did I over do it?  Nope! Was feeling amazing. .

Came home made some pasta for lunch. Felt content with my meal.  Had a shower then decided to check my weight!
Normally I do this first thing in the morning after I use the bathroom.  But today was different. 
But before I tell you what that scale said.  I made a goal to lose 4kgs by my birthday next Wednesday,  for which I had 12 days to do so.  I know. ..4kgs in 12 days is crazy. ... crazy yes. .. but totally possible. 
I just had to tweak my workout routine and eating to achieve those goals.  Im not hungry nor I'm I extremely tired. 

So I got on the scale and would you know it. .. not only did I reach my goal of 4kgs 5 days early. .. but I also lost an extra 1kg!!!! Total of 5kgs in 7 days! 

I know most who will read this and say " it's too much weight to lose in a sort span on time"! Maybe???? But I'm very overweight and my bmi is well over 40 plus my Fat Index is over 70% so this is not abnormal. .... it's totally fine! 

I'm totally fine and I'm feeling awesome!

Not bothered!!!

The best feeling in the world is finishing my workout. 
This morning I was feeling so so so so lazy. ..I got my gym gear on. .. ready to go... but took my time walking to the gym.

I'm not bothered by the women in the gym looking at me as if I shouldn't be there.  Or the snikers I get when they see me get on the elliptical and start my workout. I'm not bothered if my face turns bright red and I'm huffing and puffing my way through the workout... I'm just not bothered. 

I workout hard.  I believe if your gonna go to the gym and you  feel you need to look perfect starting,  while doing and after. .. and you didn't break a single sweat gland, you shouldn't be there and now I'm bothered and yes, I'm judging you!!! I call those ladies "gym whores". Yeah I said it. .....

You wanna know why?  Cause you take up valuable equipment that your just not using to the full potential, and you judge me!  Ha!

I look like a hot mess during my workout.  I don't believe in just getting on the machine and "casually" working out. I've come there to burn every single calorie possible. ...to work every single muscle possible. I come there to sweat my butt off. 
Am I bothered if my shirt is soaking wet? Absolutely NOT!  I'm just not bothered. 

Also....going to the gym is not a social hour for me!  No, I don't want to talk to you. .. no I don't want to listen to gossip. ....I want to workout.
You wanna know what I do daily. ... ask my trainer!  Your curious to know why I only use one dumbbell to exercise my left arm and not my right...ask my trainer, or better yet. .. stop focusing on me and worry about yourself!

Thats what I love about working out. ... it's all about me....pushing myself to the brink of passing out.  Coming home,  having a shower and stepping on that scale and she gives out numbers showing that my hard work is paying off!

Am I bothered .... nope. ...never am. I'm proud of myself getting up everyday to hit the gym even on the days I just want to sleep.
I'm proud when the clothes sitting in my closet that were from my " thinner" days are starting to almost fit.
I'm proud of myself because it's all me.

So the GYM whores who sniker and look disgusted when I come..... too damn bad! I'm not there to please you. 
Maybe you should consider trying to please yourself!

The UGLY truth!

So after being disappointed with not seeing the results from my GM diet with my old scale,  I decided it was time to upgrade. 
Even though my clothes were getting lose. ...I didn't believe it was just inches. 
So I ordered online and it took a week to get the digital scale. After all ... All the websites online said it was better to have a digital scale.

I kept going to the gym.  6 days a week
.... working out. .. doing weights as well. 
Then it finally came.  I was so excited. 
So I quickly took it out of the box. .. put 1kg if sugar on it to check the accuracy and then went to my room and undressed and stood on the machine. 

When I stood on the machine it had a max weight of 150kgs...I knew for sure I was not even close to that number. 
But when I stepped on it, it would flash the number 156.9 ......157??? This can't be right. ..... maybe it's broken.  So I stood on it again. .... again 156.9. So I told Zach who was in the room at the time to come check the machine as I think it's broken. He got up and stood on it and it flashed 81.5... He was like.  Oh I've lost weight. 
So he said try it now. .... again I stood on it and it flashed 156.9!
I quickly ran to the bathroom and just broke down in tears!
This was the first time in my life that the numbers on the scale upset so much to just cry. ..
Zach was wondering what was happening. .. kept telling him to leave me alone.  My friend was whats apping me to find out if I was coming to the gym at 4:30 and at the moment I just wanted to quit everything .
I'm a failure. ..
I'm kidding myself. ....
I'm a total fat joke.........
I hit my low point. 
During this time my friend is trying to convince me that it's just a number. ... just come to the gym. ... dont give up.... don't quit.... give it more time. 
I just wanted to hide....vanish. ... never to be seen again. 
After about 30 minutes of crying. ... doubt. ...I decided I would go to the gym..... why give up on those stupid numbers.....I was feeling better daily. .... but I had to make serious changes in my eating habits. 
I am not a quitter this time.  I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna get fit. 

From April till August. ...I manged to lose 24kgs.
I'm not sure what my starting weight was. ... so I just figured I would say I was 160kgs. 

Today to step on that digital scale and to see it say LESS than 136kgs is a start to of my journey to lose 80+kgs.

I'm really not on any particular diet. .. but I have made some serious changes. 
I've totally stopped drinking Coke/Pepsi.
I limit my calories per day. 
I work out as hard as I can each time in hit the gym. 
I don't go to the gym 6 days a week. ..I go 4 days. 
I found that I have more energy in the mornings vs the afternoon. 
I spend 2 hours each time I hit the gym and split my cardio training to 2x instead of all at once. 
I read a ton about HIIT workouts. 
I've even started running now. 

I've learned that sometimes we have to listen to our body and when it needs to rest... don't force it.

In August I had a ton of down time.  My maid quit so I was in charge of cleaning the whole house... was missing the gym. When I finally hired a cleaning company to help out 1x per week so I just have to do light cleaning the rest of the week ....I had gotten busy helping a friend with relocating their household goods. 
Then when I was done. ..I had missed 2 weeks of the gym.... then I came down with a nasty chest infection that took 15 days to recover.
So the entire month of August I didn't go to the gym.
But I still manged to lose 4kgs. So I was happy...
I learned in August that even if I miss the gym. ...I can still eat right.  Accomplished! !!

Now for September!
I'm back in action. .. going strong working out harder. ...
Now I'm doing the gym in the morning. .. and swimming laps in the evening! 
I burn about 1500 calories per day of working out. So I'm excited! 

So follow me on my journey to a healthy way of life. ...... because this is not a quick fix. .... This is a long term commitment to myself to be fit and healthy!

Getting Started

Every time I looked in the mirror. ...I always saw the girl back from 1998. Just a little more refined and aged. 
I hated taking photos from the chest down. .. and to be fair. .. my best qualites which I thought could overpower the rest of my body was my face.
Now I'm not saying I'm the best looking chick ever. . But I don't think I'm bad looking either. 

But sadly I would always say I would start my weight loss "plan" next month. .. or after this holiday. .. or some other excuse.  I just wasn't ready to give up on the idea of being on a diet for the rest of my life! That scared me! 
Weight issues run in my family. ..I know this.  But,  I love food. .. which everyone can tell by my weight!  Which was okay for me as long as I could find some nice looking clothes in the "plus-size" section. 
So when was my wake up call? ?
Well,  the complex we had moved to had organized a 5k run. ... and Dillon really wanted to do it and asked me to come.  I was hesitant and really was trying to find an excuse not to go. But the look on his face with such excitement that we could do something athletic together I just couldn't say no. 
So I went to bed early the night before.  Prepared my horrific and scared mind for the tough morning ahead of me and just prayed that I could find some way to get out of this thing.
Woke up in the morning. ... had water and a banana and would you know it. ... my stomach was acting funny. .......
Blessing? ?? I don't think so. Dillon stood at my bathroom door giving me the count down to the time we had to be there. 
Finally feeling a little better. .. We headed down and signed in.
Then my stomach started again.  So I rushed home left Dillon at the feild and he came home about 10 minutes later saying they would start in 15 minutes and yelling at me to HURRY UP! 

So I pulled myself together and we went down.  I was praying that this tummy issue would hold off till I finished this 5k. If I made it!

So here we both are..... standing at the start line .. Dillon excited and telling me he will meet me at the end!  I just nodded at him and said "sure"!!!!

We started. .........
Kids went first and I was in the back of the line for the "walkers"!
Can you believe I was dead last within the first 400 meters! I felt so discouraged.  Even the senior citizens were way ahead of me. .... so I put my music on and just kept walking!
Eventually before I made it to the half way point I saw all the experienced runners making the turn to the finish line.  The thought occurred to me to just take that turn and be done with it. But I was actually scared Dillon would never let me live that down! So I continued on the path feeling I made a HUGE MISTAKE.
Halfway through the 5k I started passing people and felt a little happy that I was no longer in LAST PLACE.....4th to last was fine by me.  My feet were killing me. .. my back hurt like crazy. .. but I wasn't last!
Finally when I made it to the final turn towards the finish line I was expecting a large crowd of people cheering me on to finish.  When I got there. .... no cheering. .. no clapping. .. nothing.....I was feeling a little pissed off. ..I wanted some acknowledgement that I finished!
Feeling sad. ...I was just gonna find Dillon and just go home,  but I heard this kid shouting "MOM.....MOM.... YOU DID IT...." I looked to my left and Dillon was running from the start line with a bottle of water and gave me the biggest hug ever!

That was my acknowledgement! !!! My son telling me great job! 

That was my WAKE UP CALL! I felt great.  I did it. .... I'm tired,  I hurt,  but I had this empowering feeling that I could do this. ..I could workout and get healthy.   I want to do this again! !!!

Even though it took me 90 minutes to complete 5k.....I don't care. .. that was a new record for me! I didn't cheat. ..I didn't quit and I followed through on a task that scared me to death.  I also didn't have to sit in an ambulance which I thought would be a possibility! 

It was all me. ... and I had Dillon for my support and motivation! 

Our gym opened up in our complex the following week. .. and we had a 2 month free trial. I hated the gym....... been there., done that.  But this time I had a gym buddy.  My BFF.... We started going daily every evening for about 65 minutes.  Would you believe I started enjoying it.
I even had a free trainer during that time. 
So after about a month of going and discovering the elliptical machine ( which I love) my BFF and I decided to start the GM diet for 7 days. 
Now keep in mind I have a scale at home and I thought I had maintained my weight of 133kgs for the last 2 years.  Yay that's a lot. .. but not "that bad".
After doing the GM diet I noticed that the scale was not moving from the same position.  I was disappointed.  But my friend said don't worry. .. lose inches is okay dont worry about the weight. 
I knew I had lost weight.... just didn't know how much.  So I bought a digital scale online and I got it a week later........

To be continued.